I’ve been extremely lazy. 7 months. I’ve barely written a post in all that time and so much has happened. Where do I begin?
January
So. After the big fuckup in my life, the event where everything went so spectacularly wrong, I did what any emotionally unstable person did and signed up to fight in a charity boxing match. One breakdown and hospital stay later, and I turned up to a sweaty gym full of men to take part in 6 weeks of intense training to face someone in a ring who could potentially punch 3 rounds of shit out of me. What was I doing? I really had lost my mind at this point.
February
More training. 3 nights a week plus training on the nights off. All this while signed off sick. The anxiety that had plagued me was slowly starting to shake off. Thinking I was worthless didn’t stick in a room full of potential boxers. We were all there for a cause. Some good, some bad some horrifically unfit. I count myself among that class. We were boxers none the less. All training for a reason, to prove something to ourselves, to others. Whatever. We were there. It is the best thing I have ever done. When you walk into a room full of people you’ve never met and spar with them, inhibitions get left behind. When someone is punching you, you put your guard up and when you can see an opportunity, you punch back. If that isn’t my new metaphor for life I don’t what is.
March
Fight night is here. And just in case I don’t mention it, I’m shtting myself. My opponent is a lovely Muy Thai boxer who just so happens to be pretty good at it. Did I mention I wear glasses? Of which I won’t be wearing. Which I haven’t trained in either. I’m basically boxing with blurry vision which I actually get used to. But boxing in a ring in front of a crowd of people is something quite different. My stomach is going over and over like a shitty engine trying to start. I could vomit. It was a draw. I think the ref felt sorry for me. But what an experience. I feel invincible. I can’t wait to do it again.
April
Back to work. Fresh from my boxing escapades, I feel ready to take on the office and all the bullshit that it brings. The NHS can be stressful at times, but it’s the staff that stress me out the most. The demands that come with working in a hospital are to be expected when you’re dealing with sick people, but the office politics are what piss me off the most. Not being able to order a packet of staples because they’re too expensive. Go for 50p box of shit quality break all the time staples, rather than the 60p safe staples. Welcome to the NHS.
May
Annual swimathon time. I’ve hardly trained but why should that stop me? Oh, I know why, because I’ve only got 3 hours to swim 3 miles. And I’m not allowed to get out to go for a piss either. This was increasingly evident around lap 110 when I could feel my bladder about to burst. I made it to lap 200 and also made the best sprint of my none existent running career when I manged to get to the loo before releasing my bladder all over the floor. So dignified.
June
The Race for Life. An event usually walked with my mum. She was too worn out and sat looking after the bags and refreshments in her best friends sponsored tent of which I can not reveal. She did a valiant job of keeping everything safe and every one feed and watered after the event. I walked with my friend and we put the world to rights before I twisted my ankle and went arse over tit. Then she helped me up and I tried to carry on like nothing had happened. Although my bruised knee said otherwise.
July
This is where I want to pause time. This is where I wish I could rewind to better times. My mum is ill. Not just a cold or an infection. She is living on borrowed time. Nothing I can do will help. Watching cancer ravage through her once healthy body is destroying me. I’ve had my heart broken in the most horrible way but nothing compares to watching someone you love slowly lose their battle to a disease that is so cruel and so evil. This woman, who raised me to be the person I am, to never judge just accept, who gave me love unconditionally. I can’t even bear to type it. The pain of watching someone you love slowly slip away from you. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m dreading August.
tetheredinthedeepend 