I’ve not written in a long time. Today has been one of the most difficult days of my life. It’s father’s day. I had to do decide if my father goes into cardiac arrest again, that it would not be in his interests to go ahead with cpr. DNAR.
The medics bought him back yesterday. I still have a dad. But how much of him will respond we just don’t know. I watched my mum die in the most violent possible way and now here I am watching a machine breathe for my dad, my only parent left. I’m not ready for my heart to break all over again. I’m not ready to be an orphan. I want more moments on a Saturday night watching tv with a takeaway. I want someone to tell my week about. I want my dad back. I’m not ready to lose him.
tetheredinthedeepend 