Why does it hurt so much to let someone go? Even if you know they don’t want you anymore, the pain of saying goodbye to someone you care about is so immense, I’d do anything to take it away.
Nearly 5 months have gone since I met someone who turned my heart inside out. I never knew then what impact he would have on me. As my mum left this earth he was there for me in a way I can’t explain. Like a quiet kind of support that I needed, and wanted. Now, 4 months after she passed, I never hear from him. Another lot of pain to add to the heartbreak of bereavement.
What gets me is why he felt the need to lie. Why get my hopes up? Why tell we’ll do all these things together? He must have known deep down that I’d have believed him. I fell for him the same way I always used to. Like someone in love. Why do people lie to get someone’s affection and then when they don’t want it anymore, drop them like they never cared in the first place.
I wish I knew. I don’t know what I did or said to be treated and hurt like I am. It hurts just to write this but it’s better out than in. Holding on to love is just as bitter and painful than holding on to hate.
I don’t know what I’ll do to get through the next week. Antagonising myself as to what I did to deserve being treated like I don’t exist. All I did was care. Even if he didn’t want anything more, I’ll always care about him.
That’s my downfall. That’s the undoing of me. And that’s what hurts the most, that I care when he doesn’t. I wish I knew how to forget.
tetheredinthedeepend 